17 Witty Comeback Stories That Prove Good Will Always Triumph Over Evil

17 Witty Comeback Stories That Prove Good Will Always Triumph Over Evil
© The Hundred-Foot Journey / Amblin Entertainment
***
I’ve been enrolled in a cooking school for over a year and my mom has never been supportive. She’s always making snide comments about how I should’ve been a nurse or a lawyer. When I do make something, she always criticizes it. I’ve cooked 3-course dinners for the family and they always get positive reviews, except for from her. She had a party for her work friends, I made a whole tray of my specialty take on homemade meatballs. Everyone kept going back and getting more, so much so that they ran out.

I figured if I wanted to get her to compliment my cooking, I’d have to trick her. I cooked her a meal, one of her favorites from scratch, dressed it up to look professional, and put it in a generic to-go box. As I cooked, I had my boyfriend take a video of me preparing it, start to finish. I called her and told her that we were eating at this diner (that doesn’t exist), that they had her favorite meal, and asked if she wanted us to bring her one. Of course, she said yes. I brought the dish and she started eating it and complimented how good it was. After she was almost through with the meal, I asked her for her honest opinion, so we could write a review on Yelp. She went on for 10 minutes about how great it was and then I sprung on her that I had cooked it.

Her tone changed. She put the fork down and said she was lying. My boyfriend showed her the video, she googled the restaurant, and it didn’t show up. She started pointing out flaws with the meal, like how there was too much sauce and it was really spicy and burned her mouth. I asked her why she almost finished the whole thing if it was so spicy. She didn’t say anything, so I just asked her if she was ready to admit it. She said no, so we left but I spotted her eating it from the other room. I asked her again and she laughed and finally told me that I’m a good chef. © ThrowRA-Barber / Reddit

***

In my last year getting my degree, I scored a paid contract at a scientific organization where I was shown into a large empty office and told I could base myself there. I was the only student on this project, so I had the whole office to myself, with about 6 desks. All of the desks were the same and mine had no better view than anyone else’s.

All went well for a couple of weeks until a few other students moved into the room. 2 of them were perfectly reasonable and set themselves up at other desks. The third decided he liked my desk. Mine had my stationary on it, my posters on the wall around it, a clock, a telephone…

So one day I come in and this guy is sitting at my desk. My stuff was packed up and pushed to one side to make room for his stuff. I made some comment about it being my desk and his response was yeah, I won’t be here for long. I set myself up at another desk that day, although over the next few days I could tell my stuff had been moved around and unless I got to the building by a certain time, he would steal my desk again.

Unfortunately for that guy, one of the things I brought from home was a “Talking Wizard” talking calculator clock. Basically a black plastic box with a button. When you pressed the button, it would say “It is nine oh five A M.” The clock also had an alarm. When you set it, it would say “BEEP BEEP BEEP It is nine oh five A M BEEP BEEP BEEP It is nine oh five A M” and would keep repeating this for 30 seconds very loudly. I set the alarm to go off mid-morning, put it in my desk drawer, and locked it. For extra pettiness, I also changed it to the wrong time.

They were sturdy desks. It was not possible to dismantle them or open them with a different key. I then took the key home and didn’t come back for another 3 working days. When I returned I sat at my desk, opened the drawer, and turned the clock off before it could go off. When this guy came in he saw me and said, “Can you turn that clock off? There’s something locked in the desk and it scares me every day.” I said something snarky like “Sorry, it does sometimes go off when other people sit at my desk.” He never stole my desk again. © valiantfreak / Reddit

17 Witty Comeback Stories That Prove Good Will Always Triumph Over Evil
© Confessions of a Shopaholic / Touchstone Pictures and co-producers
***
So this happened a few years ago when I worked at a huge well-known clothing store. I was working the cash register and it is company policy to check IDs when customers use credit cards and spend over $60.

A woman comes up to the register and has this massive pile of clothes. After scanning all of her clothes, her bill racks up to around $400. At that point I let her know the total and she hands over a credit card that clearly doesn’t have her name on it, so I tell her that she’ll have to provide an ID as per the company policy. You can see then she gets agitated and says that she doesn’t have an ID to provide because the card is in her husband’s name. I say, “Oh okay, I’m sorry ma’am, I cannot accept this form of payment would you happen to have another card?” At that point she starts to freak out, she asks me if her husband can provide proof over the phone, and I say no. That’s when she decides to go CRAZY, she screams at me, and then shoves the massive amount of clothes over the counter, flips me off, and storms out of the store. My coworkers all came over and asked if I was okay to which I said yes, but that I needed to have someone jump on the register for me.

A few hours later the lady comes back with her husband demanding to have all of the clothes back that she had earlier. This is where my revenge comes in. See, when I jumped off of register earlier that day it wasn’t to compose myself, it was so that I could put back all of the clothes she threw over the counter at me, so that when she came back (they always do) she’d have to go look for it all over again. When she came back she had to stand in line for a super-long time, only for her to then greet me with a, “Where are my clothes at?” I reply with these sweet words, “Oh ma’am unfortunately all of the clothes that you picked out have been put back onto the racks.” Seeing that woman’s face when I told her it had all been put back was euphoric to me, and seeing her take another 2 hours picking it all out again was even better. © sunnytut / Reddit

***

When my wife and I got married, our first apartment was in a house that had been subdivided into 4 units, 2 upstairs and 2 downstairs. The basement had a coin-operated washer and dryer that all the tenants shared. By chance, our apartment had the only indoor basement stairs. All of the other tenants needed to use the outdoor stairs to access the basement.

One night, the neighbors directly above us decided to watch an action movie at 3 a.m. Loud explosions, rock music soundtrack, gunfire sounds, everything. I’m a plumber, and I have worked in the construction trades for more than a decade, so I understand how most residential construction works. I knew each apartment had its own electric service, so I walked downstairs, and flipped their main breaker off, killing all power to their apartment, and none to anyone else’s. I counted to 30, and turned it back on again, then went upstairs and fell asleep in my now peacefully quiet bedroom, while all their appliances and electronics rebooted. Worked like a charm. © mezekaldon / Reddit

17 Witty Comeback Stories That Prove Good Will Always Triumph Over Evil
© Marley & Me / Fox 2000 Pictures and co-producers
***
I had a neighbor that had a dog that barked from about 7 p.m. until 5 a.m. NON STOP. They worked nights I believe. They kept it outside. I knocked numerous times, and they said: “Dogs bark, what do you expect?” Their house was directly behind mine, we shared a divided wall. I recorded their dog for a full day. The minute they brought him in, and I felt like they were sleeping, I popped my phone into the dock and played it on my stereo full-blast facing their yard at 9 a.m. They came over, raving-mad, to my wall by about 12, asking me to shut my dog up. I said, “It’s your dog, I recorded him, since you miss out on what dogs do. I’m just playing the radio at the normal allowable city time and I will do this every day.” They started bringing the dog in at night after that. © Your_acceptable / Reddit

***

My partner is a really nice guy and when people come up to him for favors, he will gladly do things for them including giving away the password to our Wi-Fi. Some of his cousins are a bit rude and disrespectful. They spend hours on the front porch playing massive multiplayer online role-playing games without as much as a hi or hello. Sometimes they would stay until 11 p.m. playing games. Well, since I am the one paying for internet, I’d had it with them so today, as they were playing their games, I restarted the terminal from the comfort of my computer again and again and again making them lose the match. I could have told them to leave, but seeing them lose their game was even more satisfying. © ChocoPancit / Reddit

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17 Witty Comeback Stories That Prove Good Will Always Triumph Over Evil
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